The Wednesday Women Winos Club

Many of us women alcoholics are veterans of the "Bunco culture." Or as I prefer to call it, "Drunco." Bunco is a sort of suburban phenomenon that revolves around a dozen or so ladies playing an inane dice game. The game is a lot more fun when wine, cosmos, apple-tinis or even tequila is served. I never lied to myself -- my Bunco nights were about getting together with other women, letting down our hair, and HAVING FUN.

The group I belonged to was made up of moms from the elementary school. Most of us had kids around the same age -- in fact, the group started when our oldests were Kindergarten-age. They are now juniors in high school. A few years ago, we all sort of got bored with Bunco, and tried "Ladies Night Out" instead. Then, we morphed into a book group. We are supposed to read a book each month, then the hostess cooks a dinner based on the book. Wine and other alcohol is served, but the tone is much more sedate than those Bunco days. I never feel uncomfortable NOT drinking at these evenings as much as I did on those rare occasions when I did not drink at Bunco.

Still, I am feeling like I don't have as much in common with these old friends as I used to. People change and grow apart, but I realize what I felt was that strange affliction of being lonely even when you are in a crowd. None of these ladies -- no matter how long we'd known each other -- truly understood what I was going through.

So, last fall I had an inspiration. Why not get together a group of ladies who are in recovery to do a book club? To my astonishment, people thought it was a good idea, too. Last month, about eight of us ladies from the Friday meeting at St. John Vianney started our own book club. The idea was not to read "sanctioned" AA literature, but books that somehow dealt with recovery and spiritual growth. I got to pick the first book: "Drinking: A Love Story," by Caroline Knapp. Last night, we met at Stephanie's to "talk" about the book. As is typical in most book clubs, we did a lot of talking, and about 25 percent of it was about the book.

But that's okay. That was the intention. It's great to get together socially, and I am realizing that I might not need booze after all to have a good time with other women -- or people in general. When I started playing Bunco 10 years ago, not only did I need alcohol, but I needed that community of other moms. We were navigating parenthood together, and the support we received from each other as our children grew up was invaluable. Now, my needs have changed, and I am so grateful that I seemed to have found another community that is helping ME grow up.

Next book: "Traveling Mercies," by Anne Lamott.

So it Begins

About eight years ago, I came to the realization that I had a problem with drinking. So started a nearly decade-long struggle to quit drinking -- which didn't work. Every time I quit I got bored, and it didn't fit my lifestyle. Or so I thought. But then, neither did throwing up at PTA fundraisers, passing out at my own parties, and driving impaired with my kids in the car. So I've battled, and 15 months ago I embarrassed myself in front of my kids -- scared them silly, actually -- and had my Come to Jesus moment (thanks to my next door neighbor Amy for that allusion). So far, so good, but I must say that living as a non-drinker in a drinking world is extremely difficult. And it makes me really pissed off sometimes. So even though I am a card-carrying member of Alcoholics Anonymous, I still need to work on that serenity business sometimes.